It's been a long time since I wrote up something here and what better than writing about the most authentic, common feeling we all have - loss. By the way, a little foreword before I start: this post has nothing to do with my current state of mind or heart or what ever. So take out any thoughts about that and enjoy the post :)
To start off, of late I have been reading a lot of books on human behavior, behavioral economics, human psychology - no deep stuff, just the daily life activities and incidents which have been studied by eminent people in a more scientific way. I will list down some of the books at the end of this post so you can have a share of the excitement :)
'We humans are basically loss averse' - this is a common conclusion that you will come across in most of the books on human behavior. Yes, we do not like loss, considering loss of any thing and in any magnitude. This is something we face so often in our daily life that we often neglect this as a feeling sometimes. Just check how many times you get that feeling tomorrow and I am sure you'll be surprised yourself. One of the best examples is buying a costly phone. You know that it'll be well worth the price, but you still hesitate to buy it because you are worried about the cost - which is basically worry about loss of money. What's your story?
So like any scientific study, psychologists and behavioral economists have tried to analyze this feeling in much detail. The following text talks about some broad conclusions they came up with.
First and the most common thing they attribute the genesis of this feeling of loss is the feeling of ownership( the feeling of something belonging to me/ feeling of mine). Yes, it is the very feeling which makes us happy about anything in our lives. Don't believe me? Try recollecting things you really like in your life, and you will find your ownership of those things in varying proportions. When we are in ownership of things, we feel in control. Once we lose the ownership, the feeling of loss starts slowly. The more you think of it, the deeper it grows. Loss of time is a related thought. Now this is just one side of a coin.
Somewhat related to this feeling of ownership is the feeling of love. We fall in love all the time with something we own, and that's very natural of us. Over a period of time, as love grows and matures, our bonding with things/beings increases, naturally again. And then the inevitable happens, and then enters our old 'feeling' - loss. As you would have guessed, the magnitude of this feeling of loss is almost directly proportional to the magnitude of our feeling of love toward that object, sometime its even non-linear ;)
There is one more factor which I feel could be one of the causes of this feeling. These days our information consists of a lot of motivational talk, how to be successful, hopeful, stay positive, etc. Though this is good, I feel it is also inculcating the feeling of loss inherently and indirectly within us. Today's competition is yet another factor affecting our daily decisions. Combine this with all the background voice of 'self-help', a small failure can lead to huge feeling of loss - enough to take lives.
So what is the solution, you ask? It's something which we have to come up with. One solution which is often prescribed is the concept of detachment. Difficult to achieve or even follow, we are humans after all right ;) But yes, this seems to be the proven way of mitigating ourselves from the feelings of loss. It is often asked to be rational to the situations, but I've found it to be easier said than done. So yeah, you now have the formula for success, hopefully :)
So in the end, am I saying that this feeling is bad? Something which we have to overcome? Absolutely not!!! This is one of the most natural feelings among others. Rationally speaking, what you have lost is lost, there's no point in brooding over it. All I say is just observe and analyze this feeling more, you might explore a lot more of yourself :)
Happy feeling :)
Following is the list of books I read over the past few months:
To start off, of late I have been reading a lot of books on human behavior, behavioral economics, human psychology - no deep stuff, just the daily life activities and incidents which have been studied by eminent people in a more scientific way. I will list down some of the books at the end of this post so you can have a share of the excitement :)
'We humans are basically loss averse' - this is a common conclusion that you will come across in most of the books on human behavior. Yes, we do not like loss, considering loss of any thing and in any magnitude. This is something we face so often in our daily life that we often neglect this as a feeling sometimes. Just check how many times you get that feeling tomorrow and I am sure you'll be surprised yourself. One of the best examples is buying a costly phone. You know that it'll be well worth the price, but you still hesitate to buy it because you are worried about the cost - which is basically worry about loss of money. What's your story?
So like any scientific study, psychologists and behavioral economists have tried to analyze this feeling in much detail. The following text talks about some broad conclusions they came up with.
First and the most common thing they attribute the genesis of this feeling of loss is the feeling of ownership( the feeling of something belonging to me/ feeling of mine). Yes, it is the very feeling which makes us happy about anything in our lives. Don't believe me? Try recollecting things you really like in your life, and you will find your ownership of those things in varying proportions. When we are in ownership of things, we feel in control. Once we lose the ownership, the feeling of loss starts slowly. The more you think of it, the deeper it grows. Loss of time is a related thought. Now this is just one side of a coin.
Somewhat related to this feeling of ownership is the feeling of love. We fall in love all the time with something we own, and that's very natural of us. Over a period of time, as love grows and matures, our bonding with things/beings increases, naturally again. And then the inevitable happens, and then enters our old 'feeling' - loss. As you would have guessed, the magnitude of this feeling of loss is almost directly proportional to the magnitude of our feeling of love toward that object, sometime its even non-linear ;)
There is one more factor which I feel could be one of the causes of this feeling. These days our information consists of a lot of motivational talk, how to be successful, hopeful, stay positive, etc. Though this is good, I feel it is also inculcating the feeling of loss inherently and indirectly within us. Today's competition is yet another factor affecting our daily decisions. Combine this with all the background voice of 'self-help', a small failure can lead to huge feeling of loss - enough to take lives.
So what is the solution, you ask? It's something which we have to come up with. One solution which is often prescribed is the concept of detachment. Difficult to achieve or even follow, we are humans after all right ;) But yes, this seems to be the proven way of mitigating ourselves from the feelings of loss. It is often asked to be rational to the situations, but I've found it to be easier said than done. So yeah, you now have the formula for success, hopefully :)
So in the end, am I saying that this feeling is bad? Something which we have to overcome? Absolutely not!!! This is one of the most natural feelings among others. Rationally speaking, what you have lost is lost, there's no point in brooding over it. All I say is just observe and analyze this feeling more, you might explore a lot more of yourself :)
Happy feeling :)
Following is the list of books I read over the past few months:
- Nudge by Cass Sunstein and Richard Thaler
- Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
- Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
- The Undercover Economist by Tim Harford
- Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely
- The Upside of Irrationality by Dan Ariely
7 comments:
Well written! Solution is out there in the form on "karm sindhanta" by Maharshi Vyasa and "Concept of Mithya" by Adi Shankara.
You presented a good flow of thought. I never thought about this feel of ‘Loss’. But when I reflect on it, I feel it sure is a basic emotion and how we deal with it depends on our mind set.
Nice post. It describes well about feeling of loss. I usually think back when I lose anything. I try to find how to improve myself with this experience and try to avoid the same situation in future. We should optimistically turn the lose feeling to gain experience and improve, this is my opinion :)
Gud one!!Feeling of loss i guess is an inherent part of everyone unless one is totally detached ..But then detachment , like u said, easier said than achieved..
Exactly what Murthy said is correct. i also wanted to express the same. Good thinking.
Bhaskar(Naanna)
Nice. What Murthy said is correct.
One related song that I heard recently is 'Maya maya' from Rajni Kanth's movie 'Baba'.
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